this narrow path

jeremiah 2

31 “Have I been a desert to Israel or a land of great darkness? Why do my people say, ‘We are free to roam; we will come to you no more’? ³² Does a young woman forget her jewelry, a bride her wedding ornaments? Yet my people have forgotten me, days without number."

i was talking to a friend on the phone briefly earlier today and we talked about how during my freshmen year, i seemed to be so free and carefreee.. i didn't really worry about anyone but myself. i loved being the center of attention. i didn't get involved much because i felt so burnt out during high school that i just wanted to be taken care of for once. all i did was school and hang out with friends-- not much stress involved with life, as compared to now. one thing that i've come to realize is that the more i grow up, the more i realize how much i have sinned, even when i don't think it's sin. the more i get exposed to the real world and what's going on around me, the more i find my heart longing for those things and turning away from God.

the beginning of this passage touches on the faithfulness of the israel during their youths.. as time went by, they started seeking other idols, turning their hearts from God. our jealous GOd seeks our attention. He wants us to stay focused on Him. but He becomes frustrated, as the israelites don't even ask for Him. verse 21 states ^"21 I had planted you like a choice vine of sound and reliable stock. How then did you turn against me into a corrupt, wild vine".. i often catch myself becoming this wild vine.. i sense GOd becoming frustrated with me, and yet, i sometimes find myself not caring.

what makes it even harder is how we justify our actions and our thoughts and our beliefs. just as God has given the israelites freedom, he gives us the freedom of choice. with every sin, He offers us mercy and the chance to repent. life without repentence results in darkness. life without accepting God's grace is like stumbling in the wilderness. inevitably, we're always going to be wandering. just because we get ourselves out once, it doesn't mean we're never going to fall into the trap again. that's life, we're constantly falling and disobeying.

my mind seems to be all over the place with this entry- sorry for those who are reading this and it seems very confusing-- but i really do miss those days when all i had to care about was school and what time i was going to meet up with a friend for dinner. but it's just time i grew up and learn the reality of it all.