this narrow path

it surprises me how your whole life, you'll hear something, but you really won't understand it until you've actually experienced it.

clear case in point- this morning, my dad called me telling me that he was at a car dealership and was looking at cars.. for me. just me. he and my mom talked to me about investing in another car because i needed one once hannah graduated. so he called, and gave me some options, what color i wanted, etc. the moment he told me this over the phone, a smile lit up on my face. for the next couple hours, the only thing that was on my mind was what color would best fit me. with this in mind, the rest of my day went by pretty smoothly.

by 8pm, i started studying. but while i was working, the excitement had already died down. and my mind started to wander about everything else surrounding this whole car situation.

one: growing up in a family of four kids, i never really recieved attention from my parents. i'm not the oldest. i'm not the only boy. and i'm certainly not the youngest. i'm just the second. with that, i sorta had to pave my way through and work exxtra hard to get my parents' attention. you know how parents always say "we love you all the same."..? i find that to be bull. no matter what anyone says,, they're human tooo. and i grew up feeling like i was ranked number 4. even with this, being one of four, you learn to share-- you're not really entitled to anything, no sense of ownership. the moment i started to feel this was when i started working and making my own and providing for myself. and even along those lines, some may say that i'm spoiled.. but in reality, i earn everything by working extra hard... something i just wish people knew about me.

two: for some reason, i feel like now i can say i have everything that i need, materialistically. i have my own everything,, in addition, a pretty decent job lined up for me, good future, good grades, and now my own car. my misconception when i was growing up was that once i achieve this, i'll be content; once i start making my own money and living on my own, i'll be set. but despite this, what i'm learning to realize is that material things really won't define your happiness. people would always tell me how temporary this state of happiness would be,, it really is temporary, considering it lasted not even 12 hours in my case. that was a nice spur of the moment, but now, i'm back to focusing on my issues that i've been dealing with. haaa.

today really just made me appreciate God even more.

luke 12:15 -- our lives don't depend on the abundance of possessions
matthew 6:33 -- seek first HIS kingdom.

every "thing" we encounter throughout this life is considered to be temporary. nothing will ever satisfy our sinful hearts but God. seek first HIS kingdom.. this, i must obey. man,, He's always set out to teach me