this narrow path

james 1:2-18

¹² Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

soo lately, i've been thinking a lot about my 21st birthday and my life after i turn 21 and my life after i graduate from college. one of the things that really triggered these thoughts is the fact that it's february. and i always felt like february was THE birthday month-- where most of my friends have their birthdays. it's my junior year; and for majority of us, this is when we start drinking legally,, bar hopping,, partying even more,, etc. this is how to socialize for most. i've been starting to get invites from my friends about their 21st, telling me their plans about how excited they are to drink... this really makes me question how i'm going to react when the time comes for me- or how easily i may get sucked into what my friends do for fun.

trials and temptations. God doesn't tempt us with these things. Satan does. i've always had this fear that i was going to lose it someday and go crazy, but so far, i've been pretty good with it. i'll sometimes sit and just daydream about how abnormal my college years have been and sometimes even wonder if i missed out on the world. then i snap back to reality, and thank God for the people He has surrounded me with-- those who have pulled me back whenever i felt like falling, those who have kept me accountable, those who have invested their personal time to reach out to me, those who sat there praying with and for me, and those who have kept encouraging me and cheering me on. with that in mind, there's nothing i should feel like i missed out on and that's when i know in my heart that i've passed God's test.

yet i'm still sinful. and my mind will wander back and forth constantly. i fear, even though i shouldn't- knowing that my God is with me. this is another bullet to add to my prayer list.