let go and start walking.

"13. Brothers, i do not consider i made it my own. But one thing i do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. 14. i press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:13-14


(related to my last post.)

why hold on to the past?..

i kept telling myself that i already let go... but i guess deep in my heart, i've been holding on to it all along.. at the end of last year, something secretly tore me apart. it wasn't anything absolutely horrifying.. but it still sorta tore me apart emotionally.

most of the times, i'm fine... but when i sit down and think to myself about it, i'm not and my heart starts to sink again.

earlier today, i was having a conversation with a friend, and she made me ask myself... "why am i holding on to the past? why am i holding on to something impossible and something unrighteous?" i keep placing myself in this unnecessary hole... if i look at the bigger picture, it wasn't even that great to begin with! i know i can do sooo much better.

my mistake, i didn't want to change.. i didn't want to move forward... i wanted to be stuck inside this unreal fantasy. really stupid and very wrong of me.

"press on toward the goal for the prize..." .......... let go of the past... think about moving forward for the prize. our ultimate/best prize is glorifying our father, our redeemer, our savior.

yes, doing qts and blogs everyday helps me move forward with my walk with Christ. but i feel like the thing that secretly tore me apart has been sorta holding me back. once i take the initiative to let go, my soul will be at ease..

just gotta keep reminding myself that God is my only source of motivation... i can do it for God. at least i think i can....